Three New Tomato Converts

[hill60]

Kids and gardens are a natural fit together. Our strawberry patch is grown so they can pick berries whenever they want. I enjoy watching them go from the strawberries then munch on peas beans carrots and cherry tomatoes.

We try to grow something different each year that we all are trying for the first time. The challenge, we all have to put the new food in our mouths chew then decide if we like it. This is the only time at our table you get to spit if you don't like something. The kids watching adults experiencing likes or dislikes the same as they do can be fun. Spitting out food seems to be a fun activity as well.

[dice]

Then and now she won't eat anything creamy

I always liked cream, especially with milk on cereal or in ice cream.
But cooking cream or milk did something evil to the taste of it.
Creamed carrots or peas, ugh. Chipped beef on toast, run away
screaming.

If you think about it, making children eat something that actually tastes
bad to them is a sort of child abuse. Bad tastes are a form of pain.
Tastes that nauseate you are a form of pain. How would you feel
if someone made you eat dirt and punished you if you refused?

(Extreme poverty changes the situation, of course. "If this is all
we have to eat, we can either it or not eat." Taste is a lesser
consideration. Remember, though, pepper is cheap.)

Children play games, often with food, and you do not always know
whether some food that they object to actually tastes bad to them
or if they are just objecting to it for policy reasons, so to speak
("I should get to choose what I eat, not have someone else choose
for me," or "I will get even with Mommy for not doing things my way
by refusing to eat this stuff," or whatever).

One way around this dilemma is to give them some options.
"We can have this, that, or the other for dinner. What would you like?"
(Be sure to include something that they found acceptable before.)
All dinners can be buffet style, with multiple choices for a main dish.
(This takes some extra time, of course, but after awhile one gets used
to it and figures out how to do extra dishes in the same amount of time
that one takes to make only one main dish.)

That they have choices and their choices matter is something worth
teaching in and of itself.

I guess we approached raising our children a little different. I've never believed life is a bed of roses, but it is what you make of it. Our kids had to do a lot of things they didn't like including eating some foods they didn't like. The concept for us was to teach our kids that life has a lot of things they may not like, but you suck up the bad times and do the best you can. Our boys hated mowing the lawn, but as adults they have the nicest yards in their neighborhoods. Our daughter hated carrying the trash out, but as an adult; you can't find a piece of trash laying around her house. All three of them have adventurous attitudes about life. They will try almost any regional dish when they travel. If they don't like it, they don't eat it again; but they tried it. I tried to teach them that some things like drugs and venomous snakes and wet paint should be avoided. Other things like various foods, different flavors of people, other countries, and many other things should at least be sampled. Our daughter loves sky diving and we have no idea how she came to like jumping out of perfectly good airplanes, but I admire her for trying it the very first time.

Ted

[dice]

If they do not come to feel that they have the right to choose, then they
end up repeating the mistakes of a previous generation, simply because
"this is what we do." Letting them choose food (when it is not completely
impractical to do that) is one way to help prevent that.

"Sometimes you have a choice and sometimes you don't, it varies
with the situation," that is a good lesson, too.

(I hated mowing the lawn. Now I do it for the compost.)

[Raffles]

A friend gets his daughter to try new foods by allowing her a chance to cook or help cook it. At nine years old she is a fine cook and a good kid.

[Elizabeth]

Dice, I'm with you. As an adult I get to choose what I want to eat. I cannot abide dill pickles or blueberries and a few other things and I get to say no thanks when they are set in front of me. I give my children the same consideration. I was forced to eat stuff I found absolutely disgusting as a child (chipped beef on toast was one of my childhood horror foods too) - if I didn't eat it one night sometimes it was reheated the next and put in front of me again. I will not touch mashed potatoes to this day. If my daughter's health was ever in danger from her diet I would have stepped in, but she had no ill effects. There is something to be said for allowing people to listen to their body and eat what seems right for them. I had lots of good food in the house to choose from and she wasn't choosing junk food as a child (still doesn't as a rule), so I let it be. She has come around to new foods in her own time, with a minimum of stress on both sides.

I think much of the way we raise our kids is reaction to how we were raised. If you found the way were treated to be really unpleasant you tend to do the opposite with your kids. I'm not a permissive parent, I just prefer to not stress about smaller things. I knew that my job was to prepare my kids to be on their own someday. I believe that by gradually allowing them to make their own choices, big and small, while still at home with a safety net prepares them better than dictating their every move and then somehow expecting them to be responsible thinking adults when they walk out the door. Teaching them how to make decisions is far better than making every decision for them...starting with not forcing them to eat that which they find unpleasant and allowing them to make the choice of what food to put in their own body.

Raffles, I have tried that method - Jennifer loves to cook, in fact her current goal (she just started college this week) is to own a catering business. She'll cook it, she just won't eat it. LOL.

[dice]

"Ice cream sundaes with cholocate syrup are not a main dish."

They do need some reasonable limits, but dinner does not have to be
a point of contention.

[Raffles]

Originally Posted by Elizabeth

Raffles, I have tried that method - Jennifer loves to cook, in fact her current goal (she just started college this week) is to own a catering business. She'll cook it, she just won't eat it. LOL.

I never had human children. Just dogs. There is more of a worry keeping them from eating things.

My wife took a certain amount of cajoling to try new foods.

The little girl in question is above the average on adventure in food even if she did cringe at the idea of eating a woodchuck that was raiding the garden even after I assured her the taste just like rat.

[Mudman]

One of the reasons I like to have my kids try new foods is that when I was a kid I did not try anything. My Dad was super picky and my Mom only cooked things he would eat. When I went out to eat or to a friends house it was like a nightmare. I wouldn't eat anything that I was not use to. Then I met my wife who opened my mind to lots of foods. Now I will eat anything and am much healthier and happier for it.
I also think there is something to be said for being thankful for what is set before you. JMO.

I was trying to remember the name of the renowned child psychologist who wrote many best selling books on the subject of raising children correctly. At the time, he was generally accepted as the leading authority. I personally thought his permissive methods were idiotic. In later life, he was murdered by his girlfriend. I have always wondered how someone who apparently didn't know how to have healthy adult relationships could presume to tell parents how to have healthy relationships with their children.

I proudly admit I was never a permissive parent. I never tried to convince my children I wanted to be their best friend. I always wanted my children to understand I was their parent and loved them dearly. I believed it was my responsibility as a parent to create and maintain an environment where my childrens needs were provided, they were exposed to challenging experiences including various foods and performing chores; and they were nurtured into productive adulthood. I try to raise my tomato plants the same way, but I never tell them I love them. Maybe I should.

Ted

[dice]

I had lots of things set before me that I would go hungry rather than
eat. I empathize with children who dislike particular foods. I know exactly
where they are coming from, and I do not see the use of trying to make
them eat what I would not have eaten in their place. (It may not be the
same foods that I could not abide, but it is the same problem.)

edit:
"Not good? How about an egg sandwich instead? Or a hot dog?" (I can
make it in 5 minutes or less, and it is probably cheaper than what
everyone else is having.)

And when your raising three kids as we were and all three have different tastes, do you take on the role of short order cook instead of parent? We believed it was important to gather as a family for at least one meal per day. It was the time we discussed things like problems they were having and school grades and upcoming activities. It wasn't the time for everyone to be complaining about the food they were served. We never held one of our children down and force fed them. We had a reward system. If they chose to not eat the healthy meal provided, they couldn't expect to receive the dessert they loved or some other reward was withheld. I don't think our kids experienced any long term damage by eating some of their least favorite foods.

Ted

[Mudman]

Same here Ted. You try 3 bites of everything and you get dessert on nights that we have it. My wife and I cook everything from scratch, so when we sit down to eat we are not getting up to make anything else. And you should all know by now that we don't have a microwave.

And now I am curious if others are like me- if I try a food enough times I will end up liking it. DW thinks it is really funny. A couple years ago I was choking down some cottage cheese and my son said wondered why I was eating it if I didn't like it. His mom laughed and told him why. Now I could eat it every day.

[dice]

I see children as intelligent, thinking creatures. One can collaborate with
them on good nutrition rather than imposing it on them. There is always
a why when we tell them to do something because it is good for them.
Explaining the reason uses their intelligence and is a big shortcut, in my
experience. If they know the reason why you are eating something that
they dislike the taste of, they may suggest alternatives that are not too
inconvenient for the cook.

You only have to be a short-order cook occasionally, because it does
not take that many meals before you can anticipate when some dish
is not going to be acceptable to everyone and have alternative foods
available beforehand.

I am making lasagna? Ok, I know one kid is not going to eat this, but
he/she likes [whatever, something that I always have on hand]. I can
throw that in beside it at the last minute, so that it is ready at the same
time.

I am simply unable to treat objecting to some food that one dislikes
the taste of as unacceptable behavior. Refusing to eat it is exactly what
I would do in their place.

[raindrops27]

Dice,

I empathize with you. Obviously, you were treated unfairly, as a child. Probably your parent did as their parent did. Whatever it was, it was not right, and I am sorry you had to go through that.

However rearing my children, 7, 9, and 17 respectively. I came up with, and stand by "You get what you get, and you don't get upset". It works wonders, and has rubbed off on some friends, and family. Children need lot's of love, hugs, kisses, nurture, sunshine, guidance, and boundaries to grow into productive citizens.

I have been cooking since I can remember, am a chef by trade so I can literally very easily whip up any, and everything. But, even though I can, I don't. The kids know at this point, that mommy is not burger king, where you can have it your way.lol.

However, as a parent you know your child.

Justin detest garden peas. But, the other kids adore them. I rarely serve them anymore. But, if on rare occasion I make frozen mixed veggies. Justin has to eat around the peas.. If he refuses to eat his veggies for dinner. (Very rare, if at all) He knows he will be skipping dessert. Which, is never an option for him. It is this simple.

So, I am making lasagna, but Justin feels like pancakes, eggs, and sausage for dinner instead. No way is it going to happen. Not in this household. They get what they get, and they don't get upset.