The existential crisis of the tomato

snugglekitten · February 28, 2015

Ladies and Gentlemen:

I fear that we are at a cross roads. The tomato, in all its terrestrial glory, no longer knows what it is.

Today every shiny, flashy new tomato is cross-dressed in a name that denies its solanum origin.

We have "cherry tomatoes" "banana tomatoes" "grape tomatoes" "strawberry tomatoes" "chocolate tomatoes" "raspberry tomatoes" "blueberry tomatoes" "indigo apple tomatoes", and the list goes on and on.

No other fruit is facing this crisis of confidence. There is no "tomato melon" or even a "tomato apple."

So what is, pray tell, the numinous nature of this mysterious fruit?

What is the true TOMATO, I ask?

and why do we need to hide our cravings for this lycopene-rich afrodesiac that will make a man into a (quoting Jesse Ventura) "GDam sexual tyranasaurus?"

If you could pick one cultivar, and give it to a diplomatic envoy from another planet, which would it be?

Which worthy werewolf-berry of wonder would you choose and why?

**carolyn137** · February 28, 2015

Quote:

Originally Posted by snugglekitten

Ladies and Gentlemen:

I fear that we are at a cross roads. The tomato, in all its terrestrial glory, no longer knows what it is.

Today every shiny, flashy new tomato is cross-dressed in a name that denies its solanum origin.

We have "cherry tomatoes" "banana tomatoes" "grape tomatoes" "strawberry tomatoes" "chocolate tomatoes" "raspberry tomatoes" "blueberry tomatoes" "indigo apple tomatoes", and the list goes on and on.

No other fruit is facing this crisis of confidence. There is no "tomato melon" or even a "tomato apple."

So what is, pray tell, the numinous nature of this mysterious fruit?

What is the true TOMATO, I ask?

and why do we need to hide our cravings for this lycopene-rich afrodesiac that will make a man into a (quoting Jesse Ventura) "GDam sexual tyranasaurus?"

If you could pick one cultivar, and give it to a diplomatic envoy from another planet, which would it be?

Which worthy werewolf-berry of wonder would you choose and why?

Crisis of confidence? I love it.

If the situation is that bad I'd switch to growing only cukes or carrots or whatever. Or if it has to be a so called berry one, then I prefer red raspberries myself.

True tomato? I'd look very closely at the now 15 or so different original species that have been identified from different areas in South America that have ultimately been the source of ALL the varieties we know today.

I especially like the currant ones, aka Solanum pimpinellifolium, so maybe I'd give seeds of that one to folks on another planet.

Carolyn

Worth1 · February 28, 2015

That's it the grocery store tomato should be called the coral tomato.
It is about the same color as pink or red coral and just about as hard.

The tomato of choice would be Riesentraube.
Because it has all of the offerings of a good tomato in a small size that could be handed out to the visiting envoy from another planet with ease.

Worth

saltmarsh · February 28, 2015

My choice would have to be the cardboard tomato. People buy more of them than any other. Claud

Stvrob · February 28, 2015

Quote:

Originally Posted by saltmarsh

My choice would have to be the cardboard tomato. People buy more of them than any other. Claud

Good thing about the cardboard tomato, hopefully they would not come back for more.

Fusion_power · February 28, 2015

Good thing someone has the right idea. Give em a cardboard tomato so they will leave and never come back.

There is no absolute favorite tomato that I can think of after growing a few thousand varieties and quite a few of the wild species. I would lean heavily toward the flavor I got from LA0417 out of TGRC. It is a rich balanced tomato flavor with just the right amount of sweetness. If is had to be a large slicing tomato, I might throw Druzba at them until they thought better of invading earth.

FarmerShawn · February 28, 2015

Regarding the naming thing (which surfaced on another thread and I almost replied there, but bit my tongue, metaphorically speaking...), as an amateur language lover, I celebrate the variety and creativity inherent in the variety of names, no matter what the relevance may or may not be to their history or story. The produce that we relish the most is the produce we seem to celebrate with our most creative nomenclature. We kinda like apples, and boy, are there some gazillion or so varieties, many of which have wonderful names. Beets, turnips, tasty as they can be, not so much.
Personally (going from last year's production), if I thought those visiting aliens were worth being kind and encouraging to, I'd go with either Wes or Belyi Naliv. If I wanted to discourage them from revisiting, I'd inflict them with a Purple Calabash. (Wouldn't take more than one, I think.)

Redbaron · February 28, 2015

Banana legs, just to confuse and confound them.

PA_Julia · March 1, 2015

I would give them one of my extremely large Big Zac tomatoes I grow for competition to show these life forms that we as a race will eventually grow a tomato that will take over their planet and enslave their population.

frdlturner · March 1, 2015

send big zac and a copy of both movies attack of the killer tomates one and two

snugglekitten · March 1, 2015

I want to try one of these big zacs.....as long as it wont suffocate my skinny little body to death.

Gardeneer · March 2, 2015

How else can you identify them? Issue social Security Numbers for them ? heheha
I like the names ( like grape, cheyy, ..) better tha alpa-numeric designation.

February 28, 2015	#1
snugglekitten BANNED Join Date: Jan 2012 Location: Land of the White Eagle Posts: 341	The existential crisis of the tomato Ladies and Gentlemen: I fear that we are at a cross roads. The tomato, in all its terrestrial glory, no longer knows what it is. Today every shiny, flashy new tomato is cross-dressed in a name that denies its solanum origin. We have "cherry tomatoes" "banana tomatoes" "grape tomatoes" "strawberry tomatoes" "chocolate tomatoes" "raspberry tomatoes" "blueberry tomatoes" "indigo apple tomatoes", and the list goes on and on. No other fruit is facing this crisis of confidence. There is no "tomato melon" or even a "tomato apple." So what is, pray tell, the numinous nature of this mysterious fruit? What is the true TOMATO, I ask? and why do we need to hide our cravings for this lycopene-rich afrodesiac that will make a man into a (quoting Jesse Ventura) "GDam sexual tyranasaurus?" If you could pick one cultivar, and give it to a diplomatic envoy from another planet, which would it be? Which worthy werewolf-berry of wonder would you choose and why?

February 28, 2015	#7
FarmerShawn Tomatovillian™ Join Date: Dec 2011 Location: Vermont Posts: 1,001	Regarding the naming thing (which surfaced on another thread and I almost replied there, but bit my tongue, metaphorically speaking...), as an amateur language lover, I celebrate the variety and creativity inherent in the variety of names, no matter what the relevance may or may not be to their history or story. The produce that we relish the most is the produce we seem to celebrate with our most creative nomenclature. We kinda like apples, and boy, are there some gazillion or so varieties, many of which have wonderful names. Beets, turnips, tasty as they can be, not so much. Personally (going from last year's production), if I thought those visiting aliens were worth being kind and encouraging to, I'd go with either Wes or Belyi Naliv. If I wanted to discourage them from revisiting, I'd inflict them with a Purple Calabash. (Wouldn't take more than one, I think.) __________________ "Red meat is NOT bad for you. Now blue-green meat, THAT'S bad for you!" -- Tommy Smothers

February 28, 2015	#8
Redbaron Tomatovillian™ Join Date: Sep 2012 Location: Oklahoma Posts: 4,488	Banana legs, just to confuse and confound them. __________________ Scott AKA The Redbaron "Permaculture is a philosophy of working with, rather than against nature; of protracted & thoughtful observation rather than protracted & thoughtless labour; & of looking at plants & animals in all their functions, rather than treating any area as a single-product system." Bill Mollison co-founder of permaculture

March 1, 2015	#9
PA_Julia Tomatovillian™ Join Date: Mar 2012 Location: Princeton, Ky Zone 7A Posts: 2,208	I would give them one of my extremely large Big Zac tomatoes I grow for competition to show these life forms that we as a race will eventually grow a tomato that will take over their planet and enslave their population. __________________ Personal Best- 4.46 LB Big Zac 2013

March 1, 2015	#11
snugglekitten BANNED Join Date: Jan 2012 Location: Land of the White Eagle Posts: 341	I want to try one of these big zacs.....as long as it wont suffocate my skinny little body to death. Last edited by snugglekitten; March 1, 2015 at 03:58 PM.

February 28, 2015	#3
Worth1 Tomatovillian™ Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Den of Drunken Fools Posts: 38,539	That's it the grocery store tomato should be called the coral tomato. It is about the same color as pink or red coral and just about as hard. The tomato of choice would be Riesentraube. Because it has all of the offerings of a good tomato in a small size that could be handed out to the visiting envoy from another planet with ease. Worth

February 28, 2015	#6
Fusion_power Tomatovillian™ Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Alabama Posts: 2,250	Good thing someone has the right idea. Give em a cardboard tomato so they will leave and never come back. There is no absolute favorite tomato that I can think of after growing a few thousand varieties and quite a few of the wild species. I would lean heavily toward the flavor I got from LA0417 out of TGRC. It is a rich balanced tomato flavor with just the right amount of sweetness. If is had to be a large slicing tomato, I might throw Druzba at them until they thought better of invading earth.

March 1, 2015	#10
frdlturner Tomatovillian™ Join Date: Mar 2011 Location: Galena, MO Posts: 215	send big zac and a copy of both movies attack of the killer tomates one and two

March 2, 2015	#12
Gardeneer Tomatovillian™ Join Date: Feb 2015 Location: NC - zone 8a - heat zone 7 Posts: 4,916	How else can you identify them? Issue social Security Numbers for them ? heheha I like the names ( like grape, cheyy, ..) better tha alpa-numeric designation.