The Golden Rule

[Hellmanns]

Originally Posted by Cole_Robbie

I've always felt that people fail to understand that the effect of treating people well is that they tend to do the same to you in return. So even if a person only cares about themself and their own interests, the best way to advance those interests is to be nice to other people. It's a paradox - being selfishly unselfish.

I have all my life been nice and unselfish to people, even going back to my childhood. Boy, have I attracted a lot of close friends over my life. But the friendships would never last for more than a few years at most. Just about the time I would say to myself, " I think this person is one of the nicest people I know what a great friend this person is" they then belittle me, and talk down to me, or become dishonest, or would start avoiding me.

This has went on since school. Over the last 50 years I can count 10 people who I though were best friends act this way. When I was in my 30's, out of the clear blue I had a best friend of 5 years just tell me I was a piece crap for this or that and just leave. At that point, I started to question myself and kinda withdrew for a year or so.

When my son was diagnosed with ADHD, I got interested in the disorder began reading about it to educate myself. That is when I came across narcissistic personality disorder. The more I read about narcissism, the more I realized the friends I had attracted were narcissistic. I now know I'm a narcissistic magnet! At this point I'm cautious of new people who try to get close to me quickly!

Narcissist all act the same way, just as my friends did. They all came to me first, and wouldn't leave. They became very interested in my lifestyle, work, and hobbies. They then begin to act like me, and even dress like me. They were all extremely jealous when I mentioned another friend, or went to see/or another friend shows up. Then, out of the blue they swat you like a bug, then step on you.

[NarnianGarden]

Hellmanns,
that kind of 'friendship' is very suffocating - it's more like an obsession, not a healthy relationship at all. Usually, it becomes evident rather early - but since we tend to have compassion towards the person, we don't drop them right away.

WHile there is much discussion these days about 'narcissist magnets' and how victims are somehow to blame for being treated badly.. I have noticed throughout the years that a narc attaches themselves on whomever they can think of being of value and profit to them. They see you as something valuable, an asset (your generosity, kindness etc..)
DO not overly blame yourself for attracting abusive people. They are the ones responsible, and ..
while there are healthy boundaries to be set againts harmful people, it's always the abuser who's to blame, in the end. Those characteristics that attracted them to you are something that a decent, healthy person would appreciate...

[Cole_Robbie]

If you tell a narcissist that they are a narcissist, they'll say, "no way! I'm much better than that."

[Worth1]

Treat a narcissist the way you would want them to treat you and then give them enough rope to hang themselves.
That is what I did.

Worth

[Hellmanns]

Originally Posted by NarnianGarden

Hellmanns,
that kind of 'friendship' is very suffocating - it's more like an obsession, not a healthy relationship at all. Usually, it becomes evident rather early - but since we tend to have compassion towards the person, we don't drop them right away.

WHile there is much discussion these days about 'narcissist magnets' and how victims are somehow to blame for being treated badly.. I have noticed throughout the years that a narc attaches themselves on whomever they can think of being of value and profit to them. They see you as something valuable, an asset (your generosity, kindness etc..)
DO not overly blame yourself for attracting abusive people. They are the ones responsible, and ..
while there are healthy boundaries to be set againts harmful people, it's always the abuser who's to blame, in the end. Those characteristics that attracted them to you are something that a decent, healthy person would appreciate...

Thanks for understanding! That kind of friendship is sure devastating to a person. Now that I understand how they work, I'm always looking for the telltale signs when new people get to close to me to fast.

I also realize the narc don't know what they are doing, it's just their personality to do what they do. But in the end the pain is real.

[Hellmanns]

Originally Posted by Cole_Robbie

If you tell a narcissist that they are a narcissist, they'll say, "no way! I'm much better than that."

Ha!

[Hellmanns]

Originally Posted by Worth1

Treat a narcissist the way you would want them to treat you and then give them enough rope to hang themselves.
That is what I did.

Worth

Seems they always have enough rope to place their feet back squarely on the ground, or mine did.

[Worth1]

Originally Posted by Hellmanns

Seems they always have enough rope to place their feet back squarely on the ground, or mine did.

It is a long row to hoe but given time they will collapse.

I know how you feel as I have had to work around so many.
Always talking sh!t about other people to take the spot light off of them.
They will lie like dogs to not have any blame put on them.
They attach themselves to talented people and ride their coat tails.
They act like every bodies best friend and stab them in the back at every chance.

I know I come on here and show people what I can do and the crazy stuff I make.
But for the most part it is just to show people how to do stuff if they are interested.
I do like to have my ego stroked who doesn't.
But I can assure anyone reading this I can stand on my own two legs not someone elses.

Worth

[dmforcier]

Hellmanns I think you might have put your finger on my inner motive for being a crusty old coot.

Naturally, "Do unto others" applies there too.

[Hellmanns]

Originally Posted by Worth1

It is a long row to hoe but given time they will collapse.

I know how you feel as I have had to work around so many.
Always talking sh!t about other people to take the spot light off of them.
They will lie like dogs to not have any blame put on them.
They attach themselves to talented people and ride their coat tails.
They act like every bodies best friend and stab them in the back at every chance.

I know I come on here and show people what I can do and the crazy stuff I make.
But for the most part it is just to show people how to do stuff if they are interested.
I do like to have my ego stroked who doesn't.
But I can assure anyone reading this I can stand on my own two legs not someone elses.

Worth

Most everyone has a little in them, that's what makes the world go on. Narcissism is a spectrum, to be healthy, we all need a little.

[MissS]

Here is a great opportunity for one of you to do for others as you would like for them to do unto you.

Imp needs someone to sponsor her for the MMMM Bean Swap. As we all know this remarkable woman has her hands quite full this year and has no time for saving seeds. I have her covered for the tomatoes. If you would like to step up for the beans, just speak up.

Thanks

[Hellmanns]

Originally Posted by dmforcier

Hellmanns I think you might have put your finger on my inner motive for being a crusty old coot.

Naturally, "Do unto others" applies there too.

You need to share your stories, we'll turn this into a therapy session.

[Worth1]

Originally Posted by Hellmanns

You need to share your stories, we'll turn this into a therapy session.

I knew what he was all about when I saw Duckman as his avatar.

Worth

[dmforcier]

Yah. Duckmen don't share.

[Langley Ranch]

Originally Posted by MissS

Here is a great opportunity for one of you to do for others as you would like for them to do unto you.

Imp needs someone to sponsor her for the MMMM Bean Swap. As we all know this remarkable woman has her hands quite full this year and has no time for saving seeds. I have her covered for the tomatoes. If you would like to step up for the beans, just speak up.

Thanks

Hi MissS, I have never done a swap... how do you sponsor someone?